Sobo

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0><script> (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-47423994-1', 'fortunecity.ws'); ga('send', 'pageview'); </script> <center> <br> <div> <script language="javascript" type="text/javascript" src="http://ad.broadcaststation.net/ads/show_ad.php?width=728&height=90"></script> </div> </center> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=200 BGCOLOR="#FFCC66" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="045c8c00dkelyh.gif"> <div> <B> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="77" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 132 WIDTH="71"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="132" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="71" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> </TABLE></B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>What is the meaning?</B></div> <div> <B>What is trust?</B></div> <div> <B>What is love?</B></div> <div> <B>What is purpose?</B></div> <div> <B>What is wrong?</B></div> <div> <B>What is right?</B></div> <div> <B>What is important?</B></div> <div> <B>What is not important?</B></div> <div> <B>What is Heaven?</B></div> <div> <B>What is Hell?</B></div> <div> <B>What is in a name?</B></div> <div> <B>What is a lie?</B></div> <div> <B>What is in a lie that makes it a lie?</B></div> <div> <B>What is trustworthiness?</B></div> <div> <B>What is personality?</B></div> <div> <B>What is time?</B></div> <div> <B>What is superiorism?</B></div> <div> <B>What is it that makes one superior?</B></div> <div> <B>What is money?</B></div> <div> <B>What is greed?</B></div> <div> <B>What is envy?</B></div> <div> <B>What is hate?</B></div> <div> <B>What is nationalism?</B></div> <div> <B>What is it that makes a nation one?</B></div> <div> <B>What is work?</B></div> <div> <B>What is question?</B></div> <div> <B>What is reason?</B></div> <div> <B>What is judgement?</B></div> <div> <B>What is knowledge?</B></div> <div> <B>What is intelligence?</B></div> <div> <B>What is it that makes one intelligent?</B></div> <div> <B>What is proof?</B></div> <div> <B>What is size?</B></div> <div> <B>What is big?</B></div> <div> <B>What is small?</B></div> <div> <B>What is beautiful?</B></div> <div> <B>What is ugly?</B></div> <div> <B>What is perfect?</B></div> <div> <B>What is imperfect?</B></div> <div> <B>What is pressure?</B></div> <div> <B>What is the point?</B></div> <div> <B>What is this?</B></div> <div> <B>What is that?</B></div> <div> <B>What is Holy?</B></div> <div> <B>What is Unholy</B></div> <div> <B>What is justice?</B></div> <div> <B>What is the big picture?</B></div> <div> <B>What is God's plan?</B></div> <div> <B>What is fair?</B></div> <div> <B>What is unfair?</B></div> <div> <B>What is belief?</B></div> <div> <B>What is religion?</B></div> <div> <B>What is it that seperates people from eachother?</B></div> <div> <B>What is self-rightouesness?</B></div> <div> <B>What is pure?</B></div> <div> <B>What is good?</B></div> <div> <B>What is evil?</B></div> <div> <B>What is strength?</B></div> <div> <B>What is weakness?</B></div> <div> <B>What is perfectionism?</B></div> <div> <B>What is it that makes soemthing perfect?</B></div> <div> <B>What is possesive?</B></div> <div> <B>What is it that makes one possesive?</B></div> <div> <B>What is life?</B></div> <div> <B>What is living?</B></div> <div> <B>What is living without life?</B></div> <div> <B>What is life without living?</B></div> <div> <B>What is fear?</B></div> <div> <B>What is courage?</B></div> <div> <B>What is friendship?</B></div> <div> <B>What is it that life will bring us?</B></div> <div> <B>What is bad?</B></div> <div> <B>What is crime?</B></div> <div> <B>What is it that makes a crime a crime?</B></div> <div> <B>What is to become?</B></div> <div> <B>What is...</B></div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=94 BGCOLOR="#FF3300" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="0403c5e1dvmwlb.gif"> <div> <B>Sobo</B></div> <bR> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=386 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> Welcome to Sobo's Thoughts and Stuff.  OH GOD HELP US ALL!!!!!!!!!!</div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Barney</U></B></div> <div> The truth is finally known! Barney seems innocent and sweet but in fact he is Satan. It's all very simple: </div> <div> 1) Start with the given: CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR </div> <div> 2) Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway): CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR </div> <div> 3) Extract all Roman Numerals: C V V L D I V </div> <div> 4) Convert into Arabic values: 100 5 5 50 500 1 5 </div> <div> 5) Add all the numbers: 666 </div> <div> Thus, Barney is Satan. </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Dihydrogen Monoxide</U></B></div> <div> A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project, he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide." </div> <div> And for plenty of good reasons, since: </div> <div> 1. It can cause excessive sweating and vomiting</div> <div> 2. It is a major component in acid rain</div> <div> 3. It can cause severe burns in its gaseous state</div> <div> 4. Accidental inhalation can kill you</div> <div> 5. It contributes to erosion</div> <div> 6. It decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes</div> <div> 7. It has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients</div> <div> He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical. Forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was water. The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?" He feels the conclusion is obvious.</div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Weird Thoughts</U></B></div> <div> What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking -- "Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too." </div> <div> What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter. </div> <div> Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think that next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly." </div> <div> Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person? </div> <div> Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel." </div> <div> Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu? </div> <div> If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach? </div> <div> Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a "built"? </div> <div> Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station? </div> <div> Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall? </div> <div> How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn't that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don't they rotate on their own? </div> <div> All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway? </div> <div> Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a Danish!" </div> <div> Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff." </div> <div> Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. </div> <div> Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white! </div> <div> Did you see these new mini van ads? All they talk about are cup holders, kiddie seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a suit, do they say, "And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!" I think not! </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Santa</U></B></div> <div> After much research, we present the annual aeronautical engineers report on the theory of Santa: </div> <div> No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen. </div> <div> There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish & Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total -378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes that there's at least one good child in each. </div> <div> Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with. This is due to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits/second. That is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has .001 second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. </div> <div> Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles/household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles; not counting stops to do what most of us do at lease once every 31 hours, plus eating etc. So Santa's sleigh must be moving at 650 miles/second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles/second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles/hour. </div> <div> If every one of the 91.8 million homes with good children were to put out a single chocolate chip cookie and an 8 ounce glass of 2% milk, the total calories (needless to say other vitamins and minerals) would be approximately 225 calories (100 for the cookie, give or take, and 125 for the milk, give or take). Multiplying the number of calories per house by the number of homes (225 x 91.8 x 1000000), we get the total number of calories Santa consumes that night, which is 20,655,000,000 calories. To break it down further, 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories. Dividing our total number of calories by the number of calories in a pound (20655000000 / 3500) and we get the number of pounds Santa gains, 5901428.6, which is 2950.7 tons. </div> <div> The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 lb.), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300lb. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see #1) can pull 10 TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9, reindeer. We need 214,200. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. This is four times the weight of the ocean-liner Queen Elizabeth. </div> <div> 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within .00426 of a second. Meanwhile, Santa, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 lb. Santa, being very conservative in terms of guessing Santa's weight, would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lb. of force. If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. </div> <div> A Merry Christmas to one and all!! </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>More Weird Thoughts</U></B></div> <div> When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago. </div> <div> Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out. </div> <div> The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast. </div> <div> The reason hotrod owners raise the backs of their cars is that it's easier to go faster when you're always going downhill. </div> <div> The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost R's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells." </div> <div> Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. </div> <div> Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind. </div> <div> It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. </div> <div> I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!" </div> <div> The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face. </div> <div> Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition. </div> <div> I'd rather be rich than stupid. </div> <div> If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward. </div> <div> When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges. </div> <div> To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. </div> <div> What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know. </div> <div> We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me. </div> <div> Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick. </div> <div> I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality. </div> <div> To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad. </div> <div> Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer. </div> <div> If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might if they screamed all the time for no good reason. </div> <div> Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up. </div> <div> You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea. </div> <div> If you're ever in a plane getting ready to take off, and you see another plane crash into something, just smile, because hey, there have never been back to back plane crashes. </div> <div> Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done. </div> <div> If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy. </div> <div> The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you. </div> <div> If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did." </div> <div> One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. </div> <div> If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone. </div> <div> Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like. </div> <div> If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you. </div> <div> Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what is I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. </div> <div> If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. </div> <div> If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song. </div> <div> Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, "Hey, how's it going?" So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now who's asking the questions?" </div> <div> Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point. </div> <div> If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figger that!" real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk. </div> <div> I love to go to the school yard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks. </div> <div> If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast. </div> <div> Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta. Grow up. </div> <div> Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail. </div> <div> When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me. </div> <div> Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants. </div> <div> Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, "You know, most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group." "Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny. </div> <div> Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk. </div> <div> To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks." </div> <div> I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver…and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him. </div> <div> If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny. </div> <div> If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic. </div> <div> Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you. </div> <div> I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it. </div> <div> It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mousetrap snap, an Angel gets set on fire. </div> <div> If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them. </div> <div> The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh? </div> <div> If they ever come up with a swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be laughing, then jumping off something. </div> <div> A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say, "That's dynamite, baby." </div> <div> If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice. </div> <div> Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull? </div> <div> If you're at Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!" </div> <div> A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke. </div> <div> If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away. </div> <div> If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy. </div> <div> Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing. </div> <div> I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true, what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on. </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Quotes On Life</U></B></div> <div> It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. </div> <div> Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. </div> <div> Life is the only thing you can't get out of alive. </div> <div> May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful. </div> <div> Someone said to Voltaire, "Life is hard." Voltaire replied, "Compared to what?" </div> <div> We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. </div> <div> Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life! </div> <div> Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway. </div> <div> Today is the last day of some of your life. </div> <div> Death is a once in a lifetime experience. </div> <div> Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world. </div> <div> What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner. </div> <div> Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. </div> <div> After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone.' </div> <div> Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats. </div> <div> Life is wasted on the living. </div> <div> Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead. </div> <div> There is no cure for birth or death save to enjoy the interval. </div> <div> Life is a razor, you are always in hot water or a scrape. </div> <div> As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something. </div> <div> My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there. </div> <div> Life is what happens while you are making other plans. </div> <div> The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it's true. </div> <div> In the long run we are all dead. </div> <div> Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. </div> <div> Life is a sexually transmitted disease, and it's 100% fatal. </div> <div> Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. </div> <div> Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students. </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Quotes On Men </U></B></div> <div> Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. </div> <div> If the world were a logical place, men would ride sidesaddle. </div> <div> Whenever two men meet there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man was the other sees him, and each man as he really is. </div> <div> To attract a man, wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.' </div> <div> Women like quiet men because they think they are listening. </div> <div> On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women. </div> <div> The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed. </div> <div> Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again. </div> <div> Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will see a man who can't get his pants off! </div> <div> Don't kick a man when he's down unless you're certain he won't get up. </div> <div> Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead. </div> <div> Man who sneezes without tissues takes matters into his own hands. </div> <div> Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie. </div> <div> Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat. </div> <div> If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children." -- they leave skid marks. This works whether a man or woman says it. </div> <div> My wife ran off with my best friend last week. Man, I miss him! </div> <div> Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is. </div> <div> There are easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree for instance. </div> <div> Mankind is stupid. If you forget, they will remind you. </div> <div> Men are like fish. Neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.</div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Weird Quotes</U></B></div> <div> What a nice night for an evening. </div> <div> Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. </div> <div> Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. </div> <div> On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not. </div> <div> If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance. </div> <div> The world's full of apathy, but I don't care. </div> <div> Perspective is in the eye of the beholder. </div> <div> Prejudiced people are all alike. </div> <div> Those who judge others will burn in Hell! </div> <div> Exaggeration is not all it's cracked up to be. </div> <div> I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity. </div> <div> There's no such thing as nonexistence. </div> <div> Cooperation can only be reached if we work together. </div> <div> As far as I'm concerned, treachery will sometimes bring loyalty into question. </div> <div> It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature. </div> <div> Avoid clichés like the plague. </div> <div> Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. </div> <div> Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. </div> <div> I always try to do things in chronological order. </div> <div> Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. </div> <div> Death to all fanatics! </div> <div> An oral contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. </div> <div> Don't chew [or eat] with your mouth full. </div> <div> It's deja vu all over again. </div> <div> I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous! </div> <div> I always wanted to be a procrastinator! </div> <div> Rehab is for quitters! </div> <div> Don't be redundant by repeating yourself. </div> <div> Some people type so fast that forget to include </div> <div> I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life. </div> <div> I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid. </div> <div> Free advice is worth what you paid for it. </div> <div> Entropy just isn't what it used to be. </div> <div> I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar, but I am not sure if I believe it. </div> <div> Not only am I redundant & superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary. </div> <div> Honk if you love peace and quiet. </div> <div> Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. </div> <div> Give me ambiguity or give me something else. </div> <div> Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness otherwise it's hard to tell if someone is inconspicuous. </div> <div> He doesn't have much of a reputation, or so I've heard. </div> <div> I disagree with unanimity. </div> <div> I have my doubts about disbelief. </div> <div> Avoid Alliteration. Always. </div> <div> Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. </div> <div> Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. </div> <div> I always wanted to be a procrastinator... never got around to it. </div> <div> Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool. </div> <div> Robin: Holy Kleenex, Batman! It was right under our nose and we blew it! </div> <div> Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor. </div> <div> May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. </div> <div> Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. </div> <div> Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. </div> <div> "Bother," said Pooh as the brakes went out. </div> <div> Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead. </div> <div> In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death. </div> <div> Alone: In bad company. </div> <div> If ever you should need my life, come and take it. </div> <div> Razors pain you. Rivers are damp. Acids stain you and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; nooses give. Gas smells awful; you might as well live. </div> <div> When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like all the passengers in his car. </div> <div> If I had some ham, I could have some ham and eggs, if I had some eggs. </div> <div> For people who like peace and quiet: a phone less cord. </div> <div> A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. </div> <div> I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. </div> <div> On the other hand, you have different fingers. </div> <div> It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. </div> <div> I love cats. They taste like chicken. </div> <div> Out of my mind, ...Be back in five minutes. </div> <div> If you can't convince them, confuse them. </div> <div> In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. </div> <div> I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people. </div> <div> Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. </div> <div> The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. </div> <div> Be alert - the world needs more lerts. </div> <div> The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them. </div> <div> You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead. </div> <div> If you can't beat em', arrange to have them beaten. </div> <div> -e-i-e-i-o is actually a gross misspelling of the word "farm." </div> <div> George Washington's brother was the uncle of our country. </div> <div> I can see clearly now, the brain is gone... </div> <div> If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. </div> <div> Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. </div> <div> Friends: People who know you well, but like you anyway. </div> <div> Friends help you move. Real friends help you move dead bodies. </div> <div> Friends don't let friends drive naked. </div> <div> Friends -- the people who stab ya in the front. </div> <div> Sometimes people need what only friends can provide -- Absence. </div> <div> Friends who think they're perfect are very annoying to those of us who really are. </div> <div> When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.</div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Quotes On Women</U></B></div> <div> The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. </div> <div> Men know that if a woman had to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she would probably save the infant's life, without even considering whether there were men on base. </div> <div> Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, "Danger: Government Health Warning: Women can be dangerous to your brains, current account, confidence, razor blades and good standing among your friends." </div> <div> On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women. </div> <div> It is silly for a woman to go to a male gynecologist. It is like going to an auto mechanic who has never even owned his own car. </div> <div> An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. </div> <div> A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. </div> <div> I want a guy that's sensitive and caring, and that loves cats. Unfortunately, most guys like that are gay. </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>More Weird Quotes</U></B></div> <div> If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving definitely isn't for you. </div> <div> If at first you don't succeed, then you didn't do it right! </div> <div> There are two rules for success in life: Rule 1: Don't tell people everything you know. </div> <div> If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure. --Vice President Dan Quayle </div> <div> I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone. -- Bill Cosby </div> <div> Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. </div> <div> The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made. -- Jean Giraudoux </div> <div> If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished! </div> <div> If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. </div> <div> To successfully keep robbers out of your house put six locks on your door. When you go out, lock every other one. No matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. </div> <div> If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a stinkin' fool about it. </div> <div> If you are feeling unsuccessful just think about this: Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Quotes On Marriage</U></B></div> <div> Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence. (A life sentence!) </div> <div> Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over the strings are attached. </div> <div> Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. </div> <div> Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. </div> <div> Marriage is a thing, which puts a ring on a woman's finger...and two under the man's eyes. </div> <div> We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful. </div> <div> Marriage certificate is just another name for a work permit. </div> <div> Marriage is not just having a wife but also worries inherited forever. </div> <div> Marriage requires a man to prepare 5 types of "RINGS": </div> <div> a) The Engagement Ring</div> <div> b) The Wedding Ring</div> <div> c) The SuffeRing</div> <div> d) The EnduRing</div> <div> e) The TortuRing </div> <div> I never knew what real happiness was until I got married and by then, it was too late. </div> <div> The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing - and then they marry him. </div> <div> Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. </div> <div> Courtship - A man pursuing a woman until she catches him </div> <div> If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. </div> <div> I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months -- I don't like to interrupt her. </div> <div> Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. </div> <div> Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent. </div> <div> Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. </div> <div> Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning. </div> <div> A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished. </div> <div> Marriage is the sole cause of divorce. </div> <div> A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke. </div> <div> An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. </div> <div> I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. </div> <div> If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way. </div> <div> Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage. </div> <div> Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo... </div> <div> Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity. </div> <div> Marriage still confers one very special privilege - only a married person can get divorced. </div> <div> Don't marry a tennis player. For love means nothing to them. </div> <div> No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. </div> <div> All marriages are happy - it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems. </div> <div> Sign in a marriage counselor's window: "OUT TO LUNCH - THINK IT OVER." </div> <div> DICTIONARY: The only place where divorce comes before marriage. </div> <div> Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the wife listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the husband listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. </div> <div> I think, therefore I am single. </div> <div> Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. </div> <div> Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die… </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Umm, Weird Quotes Again</U></B></div> <div> 640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates '81 </div> <div> Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. </div> <div> Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. </div> <div> As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. </div> <div> Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. </div> <div> Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster. </div> <div> There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. -- President and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 </div> <div> Never let a computer know you're in a hurry. </div> <div> No electrons were harmed in the creation of this message. </div> <div> THINK -- it gives you something to do while the computer is down. </div> <div> To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer. </div> <div> Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons. -- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949 </div> <div> But what ... is it good for? -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip. </div> <div> With computers, every morning is the dawn of a new error. </div> <div> "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago." </div> <div> "If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure." </div> <div> "She was attracted to me by my intellectual curiosity." </div> <div> "I did not know in 1969 that I would be in this room today, I'll confess." <I>-- Senator Dan Quayle responding to questions in 1988 about allegations that he used family connections to get into the Indiana National Guard.</I> </div> <div> "We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made." </div> <div> "I've been told to keep my remarks relatively brief. I understand Quayle-hunting season begins at noon." </div> <div> "The [Democrats] talked about putting people first. Well, they put people first unless you happen to be a spotted owl or a giant garter snake or some other endangered species and then that seems to have priority. Obviously, you take the bald eagle and things of that sort, of course you're going to make sure that they are saved and that they can live and you're going to take every precaution that you can. But others -- we just need a little flexibility." </div> <div> "Unfortunately, the people of Louisiana are not racists." </div> <div> "If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime." </div> <div> "I'm not going to focus on what I have done in the past what I stand for, what I articulate to the American people. The American people will judge me on what I am saying and what I have done in the last 12 years in the Congress." </div> <div> "I happen to be a Republican president -- ah, the vice president." </div> <div> "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." </div> <div> "I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman." </div> <div> Certainly, I know what to do, and when I am Vice President -- and I will be -- there will be contingency plans under different sets of situations. And I tell you what, I'm not going to go out and hold a news conference about it. I'm going to put it in a safe and keep it there! Does that answer your question?" <I>-- Senator Dan Quayle, when asked what he would do if he assumed the Presidency.</I> </div> <div> "I had not had that question before." <I>-- Senator Dan Quayle explaining why, during the Bentsen debate, he couldn't say what he would do if he suddenly became president.</I> </div> <div> "Want to hear a sad story about the Dukakis campaign? The governor of Massachusetts, he lost his top naval advisor last week. His rubber ducky drowned in the bathtub." </div> <div> "I'm going to be a vice president very much like George Bush was. He proved to be a very effective vice president, perhaps the most effective we've had in a couple of hundred years." </div> <div> "I hope there's some respect and dignity for things I did not do." </div> <div> "Let me say it one more time. It is ill-rel-e-vant." <I>-- Senator Dan Quayle testily responding to repeated questions about his parents' involvement in the John Birch Society. </I></div> <div> "Because. Because I say it isn't." <I>-- Senator Dan Quayle explaining why questions about his parents' ties to the John Birch Society aren't relevant.</I> </div> <div> "That's solid. There, you see how much I learned." <I>-- Vice President Dan Quayle when visiting a welding class at a vocational school in Union, Missouri. He welded two scraps of metal together to demonstrate how much he had learned while in the National Guard.</I> </div> <div> "Add one little bit on the end... Think of `potatoe', how's it spelled? You're right phonetically, but what else? There ya go... all right!" <I>-- Vice President Dan Quayle correcting a student's correct spelling of the word `potato' during a spelling bee at an elementary school in Trenton.</I> </div> <div> "Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." </div> <div> "I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." </div> <div> "I should have caught the mistake on that spelling bee card. But as Mark Twain once said, `You should never trust a man who has only one way to spell a word'." <I>-- Vice President Dan Quayle, actually quoting from President Andrew Jackson.</I> </div> <div> "I should have remembered that was Andrew Jackson who said that, since he got his nickname `Stonewall' by vetoing bills passed by Congress." <I>-- Vice President Dan Quayle, confusing Andrew Jackson with Confederate General Thomas J. `Stonewall' Jackson, who actually got his nickname at the first Battle of Bull Run.</I> </div> <div> "I have made good judgments in the Past. I have made good judgments in the Future." </div> <div> "In George Bush you get experience, and with me you get -- The Future!" </div> <div> "The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make." </div> <div> "My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never surrender to what is right." </div> <div> "Okay, I won't open it until then." <I>-- Vice President Dan Quayle after having been presented with an empty box that was to contain a gift from a sailing team in South America. He was told that the gift was not ready yet, but that it would be presented to him when they arrived in the United States.</I> </div> <div> "The other day [the President] said, I know you've had some rough times, and I want to do something that will show the nation what faith that I have in you, in your maturity and sense of responsibility. [He paused, then said] Would you like a puppy?" </div> <div> "Although in public I refer to him as Mr. Vice President, in private I call him George... When I talked to him on the phone yesterday. I called him George rather than Mr. Vice President. But, in public, it's Mr. Vice President, because that's who he is." </div> <div> "They asked me to go in front of the Reagans. I'm not used to going in front of President Reagan, so we went out behind the Bushes." </div> <div> "I'm the Vice-President. They know it, and they know that I know it." </div> <div> "We are doing the right thing and we do not see the bad things." </div> <div> "This president is going to lead us out of this recovery. It will happen." <I>-- Vice President Dan Quayle at a campaign stop.</I> </div> <div> "If Ross Perot runs, that's good for us. If he doesn't run, it's good for us." <I>[A reporter then asked him what he meant by that]</I> "That's for you to figure out." </div> <div> "I love California; I practically grew up in Phoenix." </div> <div> "...Buzz Lukens took that fateful step..." <I>-- Vice President Dan Quayle confusing the sexual assaulter/Congressman with Astronaut Buzz Aldrin.</I> </div> <div> "We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." </div> <div> "Speaking as a man, it's not a woman's issue. Us men are tired of losing our women." <I>-- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about breast cancer</I> </div> <div> "We expect them [Salvadoran officials] to work toward the elimination of human rights in accordance with the pursuit of Justice." </div> <div> "El Salvador is a democracy so it's not surprising that there are many voices to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans... I have heard a single voice." </div> <div> "We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." </div> <div> "I'm ready." <I>-- Vice President Dan Quayle describing his ability to take over the presidency after President Bush vomits and collapses in Tokyo</I> </div> <div> "I was known as the chief grave robber of my state." </div> <div> "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." </div> <div> "I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change." </div> <div> "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." </div> <div> "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." </div> <div> "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." </div> <div> One in every four Americans has some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, than its you. </div> <div> There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. </div> <div> A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. </div> <div> "I'd rather regret the things I have done than the things I have not." --Lucille Ball </div> <div> Smoking kills, and if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. </div> <div> People have the right to be stupid, but some abuse that privilege. </div> <div> Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them. </div> <div> Pride of nationality depends not on ignorance of other nations, but on ignorance of one's own. </div> <div> Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. </div> <div> Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. </div> <div> Free advice is worth what you paid for it. </div> <div> My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. </div> <div> A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. </div> <div> Careful. We don't want to learn from this. -- Calvin </div> <div> Always remember, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. </div> <div> If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. </div> <div> The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it. </div> <div> To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming. </div> <div> No problem is so big and complicated that it can't be ran away from. </div> <div> Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter. </div> <div> Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness otherwise it's hard to tell if someone is inconspicuous. </div> <div> If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hands. </div> <div> If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for two weeks. </div> <div> The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are. </div> <div> When all is said and done, much more is said than done. </div> <div> There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can't. </div> <div> Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons. </div> <div> Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. </div> <div> Atheism is a non-prophet organization. </div> <div> No Jesus, no peace; know Jesus know peace. </div> <div> National Atheism Day: April 1st </div> <div> Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time. </div> <div> Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. </div> <div> One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. </div> <div> You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. </div> <div> Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. </div> <div> Never judge a book by it's movie. </div> <div> If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing. </div> <div> We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. </div> <div> The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. </div> <div> A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. </div> <div> Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. </div> <div> Education is what you get from reading the fine print. Experience is what you get from not reading it. </div> <div> Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. </div> <div> For people who like peace and quiet - a phoneless cord. </div> <div> The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. </div> <div> There are two kinds of pedestrians--the quick and the dead. </div> <div> Some people are going to leave a mark on this world, while others will leave a stain. </div> <div> Don't be so humble, you're not that great. </div> <div> Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too. </div> <div> The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten. </div> <div> If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. </div> <div> Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it. </div> <div> Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Questions</U></B></div> <div> What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free? </div> <div> Life is hard compared to what? </div> <div> Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? </div> <div> What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds? </div> <div> When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in? </div> <div> If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? </div> <div> If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? </div> <div> Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure? </div> <div> Is there another word for synonym? </div> <div> Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? </div> <div> When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? </div> <div> When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away? </div> <div> Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? </div> <div> Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? </div> <div> Why do they report power outages on TV? </div> <div> What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant? </div> <div> Is it possible to be totally partial? </div> <div> If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? </div> <div> Would a fly without wings be called a walk? </div> <div> Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? </div> <div> Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? </div> <div> If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off? </div> <div> If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? </div> <div> If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? </div> <div> When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? </div> <div> Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? </div> <div> If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? </div> <div> What's another word for "thesaurus"? </div> <div> Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas? </div> <div> You can't have everything. Where would you put it? </div> <div> If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? </div> <div> If stupidity can get you into a mess, then why can't it get you out? </div> <div> If Ignorance is Bliss, why aren't more people happy? </div> <div> If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? </div> <div> How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? </div> <div> If a cluttered desk is characteristic of a cluttered mind, what does an empty desk mean? </div> <div> Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? </div> <div> If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? </div> <div> If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan? </div> <div> Why is that when you transport something by car, it's called shipment but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo? </div> <div> Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? </div> <div> You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes--why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? </div> <div> If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? </div> <div> If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? </div> <div> Was today really necessary? </div> <div> Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts? </div> <div> Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? </div> <div> If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it? </div> <div> If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? </div> <div> If it's 0 degrees today, and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? </div> <div> What happens if you get scared half to death twice? </div> <div> If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? </div> <div> Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>More Stuff</U></B></div> <div> I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. </div> <div> I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time. </div> <div> I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it. </div> <div> Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle. </div> <div> My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, "If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?" I said, "No." She said, "Okay, forget it." </div> <div> I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, "The whole time." </div> <div> My buddy got busted for counterfeiting. He was making pennies. They caught him because he was putting the heads and tails on the wrong sides. </div> <div> Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. </div> <div> I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious. </div> <div> I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, "Why'd you run that stop sign?" I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read." </div> <div> The other day, I went to a tourist information booth and asked, "Tell me about some of the people who were here last year." </div> <div> "I'd rather regret the things I have done than the things I have not." --Lucille Ball </div> <div> Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. </div> <div> My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. </div> <div> Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! </div> <div> When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like all the passengers in his car. </div> <div> If I had some ham, I could have some ham and eggs, if I had some eggs. </div> <div> No, officer. I do not wish to give up my right to remain silent!! </div> <div> Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons. </div> <div> I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. </div> <div> I love cats. They taste like chicken. </div> <div> There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had many of them... </div> <div> If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny. -- Jack Handey </div> <div> He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it. -- Douglas Adams </div> <div> A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators. </div> <div> After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone.' -- Larry Brown </div> <div> "I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions --but I don't always agree with them." -George Bush, US President </div> <div> "Please provide the date of your death." -from an IRS letter </div> <div> "We are sorry to announce that Mr Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover." -Parish Magazine </div> <div> "One of their children, Cain, once asked, 'Am I my brother's son?'" -Student Bloopers </div> <div> Sure, the pesticide chlordane is going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway. </div> <div> I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor </div> <div> I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. </div> <div> I am in shape. Round is a shape. </div> <div> The statistic on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. -- Rita Mae Brown </div> <div> My wife said I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said. </div> <div> Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. -- George Carlin </div> <div> We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful. </div> <div> I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. </div> <div> I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.--Groucho Marx </div> <div> I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. </div> <div> If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either. </div> <div> I filled out an application that said, "In Case of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do? </div> <div> Sign outside the Fountain of Youth Health Spa in Salt Lake City:</div> <div> Are You Fat And Ugly? Do You Want To Be Just Ugly? Memberships Available Now. </div> <div> I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper. --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind." </div> <div> I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out. </div> <div> I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast. </div> <div> I intend to live forever -- so far, so good. </div> <div> I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. </div> <div> Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. </div> <div> Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again. -- Marin County newspaper's TV listing for "The Wizard of Oz" </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Useless Facts</U></B></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first female guest host of "Saturday Night Live" was Candace Bergen. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first TV couple to share a bed was not on "The Brady Bunch" or "The Munsters," but was on "The Mary Kay and Johnny" show in 1947. It was the first situation comedy ever. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In 1933, Mickey Mouse, an animated cartoon character, received 800,000 fan letters. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Franklin D. Roosevelt was the first president to be televised, in ceremonies opening the New York World's Fair in April 1939. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first television shows to have the characters take bathroom breaks were "All in the Family" and "Married with Children." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Simpsons is the longest running animated series on TV. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > MTV first aired at 12:01 AM on August 1, 1981. The first video was "Video Killed the Radio Star" by the Buggles. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It to Beaver." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average human brain has about 100 billion nerve cells. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Nerve impulses to and from the brain travel as fast as 170 miles (274 km) per hour. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The thyroid cartilage is more commonly known as the adams apple. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Your stomach needs to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it would digest itself. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > It takes the interaction of 72 different muscles to produce human speech. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average life of a taste bud is 10 days. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average cough comes out of your mouth at 60 miles (96.5 km) per hour. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Relative to size, the strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > When you sneeze, all your bodily functions stop even your heart. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Children grow faster in the springtime. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > It takes the stomach an hour to break down cow milk. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Women blink nearly twice as much as men. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people do. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There are 10 human body parts that are only 3 letters long (eye hip arm leg ear toe jaw rib lip gum). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > If you go blind in one eye you only lose about one fifth of your vision but all your sense of depth. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average human head weighs about 8 pounds. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > An average human scalp has 100,000 hairs. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The length of the finger dictates how fast the fingernail grows. Therefore, the nail on your middle finger grows the fastest, and on average, your toenails grow twice as slow as your fingernails. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average human blinks their eyes 6,205,000 times each year. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The entire length of all the eyelashes shed by a human in their life is over 98 feet (30 m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Your skull is made up of 29 different bones. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Odontophobia is the fear of teeth. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Ancient Egyptians shaved off their eyebrows to mourn the deaths of their cats. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Your ears and nose continue to grow throughout your entire life. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > After you die, your body starts to dry out creating the illusion that your hair and nails are still growing after death. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Hair is made from the same substance as fingernails. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average surface of the human intestine is 656 square feet (200 m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A healthy adult can draw in about 200 to 300 cubic inches (3.3 to 4.9 liters) of air at a single breath, but at rest only about 5% of this volume is used. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The surface of the human skin is 6.5 square feet (2m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > 15 million blood cells are destroyed in the human body every second. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The pancreas produces Insulin. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The most sensitive cluster of nerves is at the base of the spine. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The human body is comprised of 80% water. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average human will shed 40 pounds of skin in a lifetime. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Every year about 98% of the atoms in your body are replaced. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet (9 m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > You were born with 300 bones. When you get to be an adult, you have 206. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Human thighbones are stronger than concrete. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There are 45 miles (72 km) of nerves in the skin of a human being. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average human heart will beat 3,000 million times in its lifetime and pump 48 million gallons of blood. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Each square inch (2.5 cm) of human skin consists of 20 feet (6 m) of blood vessels. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > During a 24-hour period, the average human will breathe 23,040 times. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Human blood travels 60,000 miles (96,540 km) per day on its journey through the body. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Canadian researchers have found that Einstein's brain was 15% wider than normal. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > While in Alcatraz, Al Capone was inmate #85. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The actor who played Wedge in the original Star Wars trilogy has a famous nephew: actor Ewan McGregor, who plays the young Obi-Wan in the new Star Wars film. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Astronaut Neil Armstrong first stepped on the moon with his left foot. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Peter Mayhew, who played Chewbacca in the first three Star Wars movies, was a hospital porter in London before starring as the Wookie. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Sheryl Crow's front two teeth are fake - she had them knocked out when she tripped on the stage earlier in her career. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Hitler was claustrophobic. The large elevator leading to his eagles nest in the Austrian Alps was mirrored so it would appear larger and more open. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Jim Morrison, of the 60's rock group The Doors, was the first rock star to be arrested on stage. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Hans Christian Andersen, creator of fairy tales, was word-blind. He never learned to spell correctly, and his publishers always had the spelling errors corrected. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Frank Lloyd Wright's son invented Lincoln Logs. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh cut off his left ear. His "Self-portrait with Bandaged Ear'' shows the right one bandaged because he painted the mirror image. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Peter Falk, who played "Columbo," has a glass eye. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The only married couple to fly together in space were Jan Davis and Mark Lee, who flew aboard the Endeavour space shuttle from September 12-20, 1992. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Besides Star Trek, William Shatner, Leonard Nemoy, James Doohan, and Geoge Takei have all appeared at one time or another on "The Twilight Zone." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Barbie's full name is "Babara Millicent Roberts." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The original captain of Star Trek's starship "Enterprise" was Jeffrey Hunter - not William Shatner - as Christopher Pike, in the pilot episode "The cage" (1964). The cast was quite different from that of the classic series except for Leonard Nimoy as Spock. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The mother of Michael Nesmith of "The Monkees" invented whiteout. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Screech, from "Saved by the Bell," was the only one of the characters who played in all the episodes from the junior high, with Mrs. Bliss, to "Saved by the Bell: The New Class." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Betsy Ross and Elvis Presley were the only real people to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser. The Elvis Pez dispenser was named "Elvis Pezly." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand 7 feet (2 m) 2 inches (5 cm) tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The world's longest name officially used by a person is "Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Shermasn Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorft Senior" which is composed of 28 words or 192 letters. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Marilyn Monroe had six toes. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The shortest British monarch was Charles I, who was 4 feet 9 inches. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Tina Turner's real name is Annie Mae Bullock. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Queen Victoria eased the discomfort of her menstrual cramps by having her doctor supply her with marijuana. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > One of the many Tarzans, Karmuala Searlel, was mauled to death by a raging elephant on set. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Elizabeth 1st suffered from anthophobia (a fear of roses). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Beethoven dipped his head in cold water before he composed. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > All 17 children of Queen Anne died before her. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > President John F Kennedy could read 4 newspapers in 20 minutes. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > All U.S Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > "Moon" was Buzz Aldrin's (second man on the moon) mother's maiden name. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Bob Dylan's real name is Robert Zimmerman. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr were the two left-handed Beatles. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Walt Disney was afraid of mice. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Anne Boleyn, Queen Elizabeth I's mother, had six fingers on one hand. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Gary Burgoff (Radar on MASH) always kept his left hand out of the view of the camera, either in his pocket or under a clipboard, because his left had is deformed. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Elvis had a twin brother named Jesse, who died at birth. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel, "Gadsby", which contains over 50,000 words none of them with the letter "E." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Beatles song "Dear Prudence" was written about Mia Farrow's sister, Prudence, when she wouldn't come out and play with Mia and the Beatles at a religious retreat in India. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Orville Wright was involved in the first aircraft accident. His passenger, a Frenchman, was killed. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Born on November 2, 1718, British politician, John Montagu, the 4th Earl of Sandwich, is credited with naming the "sandwich". He developed a habit of eating beef between slice of toast so he could continue to play cards uninterrupted. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Cher's last name was "Sarkissian." She changed it because no one could pronounce it. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Marie Curie, the Nobel Prize winning scientist whom discovered radium, died on 4th July 1934 of radiation poisoning. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Sugar was first added to chewing gum in 1869 by a dentist, William Semple. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Paper was invented early in the second century by Chinese eunuch. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Scientist John Harvey owns Einstein's brain. Harvey was a pathologist at a small hospital in Princeton, NJ, when Einstein died in 1955 at the age of 76. Harvey performed the autopsy, determined Einstein died of natural causes, and took the brain home with him. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Sir Isaac Newton was only 23 years old when he discovered the law of universal gravitation. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Hannibal had only one eye after getting a disease while attacking Rome. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Mark Twain, real name Samuel Clemens, worked on a riverboat when he was a teenager. The call "Mark twain!" meant that the water was deep enough to proceed safely. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Elvis' hair color was originally blonde. He dyed it black because he was a big fan of Roy Orbison. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The giant squid, found usually in the deep reaches of the oceans, has the largest eye of any animal. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There is a sea squirt found in the seas near Japan that digests its own brain. When the sea squirt is mature, it permanently attaches itself to a rock. At this point it does not need to move anymore and has no need for a brain. So, waste not want not, it eats it. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A male gypsy moth can smell a female gypsy moth in heat up to a mile and a half away. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A squirrel cannot contract or carry the rabies virus. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > 1 in 5,000 north Atlantic lobsters are born bright blue. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The brown myotis bats when born are equivalent to a woman giving birth to a 30 pound baby. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A snail can sleep for 3 years. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The housefly hums, middle octave, key of F. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A Horse has 18 more bones than a Human. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The correct animal group terms:</FONT></div> <div> A herd of donkey</div> <div> A sloth of bear</div> <div> A clutter or clowder of cat</div> <div> A drove or herd of cattle</div> <div> A clutch or brood of chicken</div> <div> A herd of deer</div> <div> A pack of dogs</div> <div> A brace or herd of ducks</div> <div> A herd of elephant</div> <div> A shulk of fox</div> <div> A tribe or trip of goat</div> <div> A flock or gaggle of geese</div> <div> A herd of horses</div> <div> A pride of lion</div> <div> A band or troop of monkeys</div> <div> A flock or drove of sheep</div> <div> A bevy of swans</div> <div> A litter of swine or pigs</div> <div> A gam or pod of whale</div> <div> A pack of wolves </div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Elephants are the only mammals that can't jump. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A polar bears skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Rats can't vomit. That's why rat poison works so well. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Giraffes have no vocal chords. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Cats can hear ultrasound. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A full-grown bear can run as fast as a horse. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Cat's urine glows under a black light. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest known butterfly is Queen Alexandra's Birdwing from New Guinea, which has a wingspan of approximately 11 inches (28 cm). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The smallest butterfly, the Dwarf Blue from Africa, has a wingspan of only 1 / 2 inches (1 cm). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The distance between an alligators eyes in inches, is directly proportional to the length of the alligator in feet </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The honey badger can withstand hundreds of African bee stings that would kill any other animal. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The world smallest mammal is the bumblebee bat of Thailand, weighing less than a penny. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The opening to the cave in which a bear hibernates is always on the North Slope. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Hippopotamus does 80% of their vocalizations under water. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The cells that make up the antlers of a moose are the fastest growing animal cells in nature. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Scientists in Brazil have reported the emergence of a species of super-flea; they are bigger than cockroaches and can jump 20 feet (6 m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Polar bears are left-handed. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average flea can jump up to 150 times its own length. To match that a human would have to jump 1,000 feet (305 m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A cockroach can live 9 days without its head before it starves to death. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Butterflies taste with their feet. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A cat has 32 muscles in each Ear. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Starfish don't have brains. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A hippo can run faster than a man can. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A jellyfish is 95% water. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A blue whales heart only beats nine times per minute. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A cat uses its whiskers to determine if a space is too small to squeeze through. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A chameleon's tongue is twice the length of its body. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A crocodiles tongue is attached to the roof of its mouth. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Rodent's teeth never stop growing. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A shark can detect one part of blood in 100 million parts of water. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A shark can grow a new set of teeth in a week. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A starfish can turn its stomach inside out. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Slugs have 4 noses. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Owls are one of the only birds that can see the color blue. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The penguin is the only bird that can swim but can't fly. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The cheetah is the only cat that can't retract its claws. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A lion's roar can be heard from five miles away. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Emus and kangaroos can't walk backwards. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Cats have over 100 vocal sounds; dogs only have 10. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet (91 m) long in just one night. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Insects outnumber humans 100,000,000 to one. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Sharkskin has tiny tooth-like scales all over. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Chameleons can move their eyes in two directions at the same time. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Koalas never drink water. They get fluids from the eucalyptus leaves they eat. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Lacking a collarbone, the deer mouse can flatten its body so much it can squeeze into an opening one quarter of an inch high. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The orca is the largest member of the dolphin family, and is not really a whale. Due to its size, however, the orca is frequently included in discussions of whales. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > When sharks take a bite, their eyes roll back and their teeth jut out. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Vegetarian mammals produce more methane than carnivorous mammals. In other words, they fart more. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Flies jump backwards when they take off. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > More than 20,000,000 seahorses are harvested each year for folk medicinal purposes. The world seahorse population has dropped 70% in the past 10 years. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest insects that ever lived on the earth were giant dragonflies with wingspans of over 3 feet (91 cm). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Camels chew in a figure 8 pattern. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The blue whale is the largest animal that ever lived, reaching 100 feet (30 m) in length and weighing 150 tons. The largest dinosaur, Argentinosaurus, was estimated to weigh 110 tons. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Cats, camels, and giraffes are the only animals in the world that walk right foot, right foot, left foot, left foot, rather than right foot, left foot. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Proportional to their size, cats have the largest eyes of all mammals. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Sailfish can leap out of the water and into the air at a speed of 50 miles (81 km) per hour. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The catfish has the most taste buds of all animals, having over 27,000 of them. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A skunk's smell can be detected by a human a mile away. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A lion in the wild usually makes no more than 20 kills a year. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Honeybees have hair on their eyes. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > To reach rivers and lakes where they spend most of their lives, many newborn eels swim for up to 3,000 miles (4,827 k) nonstop. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A male rabbit is called a "buck" and a female rabbit is called a "doe." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > It's against the law to have a pet in Iceland. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In 1681, the last dodo bird died. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The snail mates only once in its entire life. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The waste produced by one chicken in its lifetime can supply enough electricity to run a 100-watt bulb for 5 hours. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Scorpions can withstand 200 times more nuclear radiation than humans can. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average garden-variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its head. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > It is possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs. Don't ask how I know this... </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A kangaroo can't jump unless its tail is touching the ground. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Dolphins don't automatically breath; they have to tell themselves to do it. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Cats sleep 16 to 18 hours per day. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A flamingo can eat only when its head is upside down. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > No other animal gives us more by-products than the pig. These by-products include pig suede, buttons, glass, paint brushes, crayons, chalk and insulation to name a few. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The poison arrow frog has enough poison to kill about 2,200 people. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A kangaroo can jump up to 10 feet (3 m) high and leap up to 26 feet (8 m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Queen termite can live up to 50 years and have 30,000 children every day. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The cockroach's favorite food is the glue on the back of stamps. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Tuna swim at a steady rate of 9 miles (14 km) per hour until they die and they never stop moving. Some Scientists estimate that a 15-year-old tuna must have traveled 1,000,000 miles (1,609,000 km). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > An adult hippo can bite a 12-foot (3.6 m) adult male crocodile in half. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Australian Emu holds the land speed record for birds at 31 miles (50 km) per hour. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > At full speed, a Cheetah takes strides of 26 feet (8 m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Of the 4,000 species of mammals on the planet, the are 900 different species of bats. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Termites are affected by music. They will eat your house twice as fast if you play loud music. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Rabbits digest their food twice (if you know what I mean) for two reasons: they don't get all the nutrients the first time around and because they need a high bacterial count in their stomach, which they get from, that's right, poop. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The name "Kangaroo" came about when some of the first white settlers saw this strange animal hopping along and they asked the Aborigines what it was called. They replied with "Kanguru", which in their language means "I don't know". </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Titanic was running at 22 knots when she hit the iceberg. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Because radio waves travel at 186,000 miles (299,274 km) per second and sound waves saunter at 700 miles (1,126 km) per hour, a broadcast voice can be heard sooner 13,000 miles (20,917 km) away than it can be heard at the back of the room in which it originated. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The bagpipe was originally made from the liver of a dead sheep. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet (2 m) away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first Ford cars had Dodge engines. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In ancient Rome, it was considered a sign of leadership to be born with a crooked nose. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > It is possible to drown and not die. Technically the term "drowning" refers to the process of taking water into the lungs, not to death caused by that process. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Jeremy Bentham, a British philosopher who died in 1832, left his entire estate to the London Hospital provided that his body be allowed to preside over its board meetings. His skeleton was clothed and fitted with a wax mask of his face. It was present at the meeting for 92 years. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Diet Coke was only invented in 1982. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The YKK on the zipper of your Levis stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushibibaisha, the world's largest zipper manufacturer. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The world's largest McDonalds is located on I-44 at Vinita, Oklahoma. It goes from one side of the interstate to the other, passing over the interstate. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Strawberries have more vitamin C in them than oranges. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Dead Egyptian noblewomen were given the special treatment of being allowed a few days to ripen, so that the embalmers wouldn't find her too attractive. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Onions get their distinctive smell by soaking up sulfur from the soil. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The 'rusticles' on the model of the sunken Titanic were Cheeto's and bran flakes painted with rust colored primer. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Any free-moving liquid in outer space will form itself into a sphere, because of its surface tension. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Ketchup is excellent for cleaning brass, especially tarnished and corroded brass. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Raindrops aren't actually teardrop shaped. They are rounded at the top and flat on the bottom. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > One Day on the planet Pluto is about the length of a week on Earth. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first police force was established in Paris 1667. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Kermit the Frog has 11 points on his collar around his neck. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A broken clock is right at least twice a day. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > American car horns beep in the tone of F. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Playing cards in India are round. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar an England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Each of us generates about 3.5 pounds of trash a day. Most of it is paper. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The most collect calls are made on Father's Day. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Due to precipitation, for a few weeks K2 is bigger than Mt Everest. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Pacific Ocean fills nearly a complete hemisphere of the earth's surface. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > German chemists have made a replica of the football World Cup trophy that is the size of one molecule. That is less than 100-millionth the size of the original. They were bored. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first recording of the human voice, by Thomas Edison in 1877, was "Mary had a Little Lamb." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > More money is spent on gardening than on any other hobby. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Most of the vitamin C in fruits is in the skin. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A bowling pin need only tilt 7.5 degrees to fall. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The fist product to have a bar code was Wrigleys gum. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The electric chair was invented by a dentist. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There is about 1/4 pound of salt in every gallon of seawater. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Six ounces of orange juice contains the minimum daily requirement for vitamin C. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A jumbo uses 4,000 gallons of fuel to take off. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Children spend more time learning about life through media than any other manner. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average child spends approximately 28 hours a week watching television, which is around the same amount of time they spend in school. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There is cyanide in apple pips. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > If you lock your knee while standing long enough, you will pass out. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Tom Sawyer was the first novel written on a typewriter. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Volkswagen was originally called the "Strength through Joy Wagon". </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Just 20 seconds worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11's lunar module landed on the moon. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Minus 40 degrees Celsius is exactly the same as minus 40 degrees Fahrenheit. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Construction workers hard hats were first invented and used in the Building of the Hoover Dam in 1933. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > An average orange falls just as fast as a skydiver. It's hard to catch in free fall, though - the "burble" of disturbed air around the jumper pushes the orange away. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > If you're going to eat fast food, the odds are 2 out of 5 you will buy it at McDonald's, 1 out of 5 you will choose Burger King, and 1 out of 10 for Hardee's and for Wendy's. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first person to ever survive the fall over Niagara Falls was in 1901 when Annie Edson Taylor, a 43 year-old widowed school teacher from Bay City, Michigan, survived the fall in a 260 pound oak barrel. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The deepest point in the deepest ocean is the Marianas Trench in the Pacific with a depth of 35,837 feet (10,923 m) according to a recent hydrographic survey. This is close to 7 miles (11 km) down, 29 times the height of the Empire State Building. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > According to the Guiness Book, the fastest restaurant in the world serves the client's food within 13 seconds after the order is made. The name of the restaurant is Karne Garibaldi and is located in Guadalajara, Mexico. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > World's tallest freestanding indoor climbing structure is the Game Works climbing wall standing at 75 feet (23 m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The fastest Pony Express ride was 7 days, 17 hours and was carrying Lincoln's inaugural address. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The fastest tectonic movement on Earth, 9.4 inches (24 cm) per year, is at the Tonga microplate near Samoa. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Pioneer 11's speed going past Jupiter was over 107,000 miles (172,163 km) per hour, the fastest speed ever traveled by a human-made object. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The fastest moving landmass on the planet, the Tongan Island of Niuatoputapu in the South Pacific, has recently been clocked at almost 10 inches (25.4 cm) per year. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Bureau of Standards says that the electron is the fastest thing in the world. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Steel Phantom in West Millen, Pennsylvania, is the fastest roller coaster in America, reaching speeds of 80 miles (129 km) per hour. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The fastest typist can type at 211 words per minute. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The world's fastest ship weighs 112 tons and travels at 102 miles (164 km) per hour. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > President Kennedy was the fastest random speaker in the world with upwards of 350 words per minute. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow was the first American to have plumbing installed in his house, in 1840. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first female monster to appear on the big screen was Bride of Frankenstein. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first ever TV commercial in the U.S. was for Bulova watches. It aired in 1941 on WNBT, New York, and cost Bulova 9 dollars. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Toronto was the first city in the world with a computerized traffic signal system. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first female guest host of "Saturday Night Live" was Candace Bergen. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Franklin D. Roosevelt was the first president to be televised, on April 1939 at opening of the New York World's Fair. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first city in modern history to reach 1 million people was London in 1811. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > New Zealand was the first place in the world to allow women to vote. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first television shows to have the characters take bathroom breaks were "All in the family" and "Married with children." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first music video was aired on August 1, 1981 "Video Killed the Radio Star" by the Bugles on MTV. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Most people have an IQ in the 90 - 109 range. You're considered a genius if your IQ is 132 or above. Chris Langan has an IQ of 195, the highest known IQ in the US. He started talking at 6 months and by age 4 could read and comprehend books. His IQ puts him in the same class as Sir Isaac Newton and Michelangelo. He's in his mid-forties, and he works as a part-time bouncer at a bar and lives in a one-room house on $6,000 a year. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > William James Sidis had the highest ever known IQ estimated at between 250 and 300. At eighteen months he could read The New York Times, at two he taught himself Latin, at three he learned Greek. By the time he was an adult, he could speak more than 40 languages and dialects. He spent most of his life wandering from one menial job to another. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > La Paz, the capital city of Bolivia, is the highest capital in the world at over 17,000 feet (5,181 m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Angel Falls in Venezuela is the world's highest waterfall, at 3,212 feet (979 m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The highest tide in the world is in the Bay of Fundy, Canada, where there is a rise of 53 feet (16 m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest employer in the world is the Indian railway system, employing over a million people. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest flower in the world, the Rufflesia, grows to over 10 feet (3 m) in diameter. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest toy distributor in the world is McDonald's. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The blue whale is the largest animal that ever lived, reaching 100 feet (30.4 m) in length and weighing 150 tons. The largest dinosaur, Argentinosaurus, was estimated to weigh 110 tons. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest living thing on earth is a tree named "The General Sherman Tree" in Sequoia National Park. It is 275 feet (84 m) tall and 37 feet (11 m) wide at the widest part of the base. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest ketchup bottle is a 170 feet (52 m) tall water tower. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The world's largest collection of preserved human brains is maintained in a WWII era bomb shelter beneath the Runwell Psychiatric Hospital in Essex, England. 8,000 brains collected over the past 40 years are available for researchers to study. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Olympus Mons, a volcano found on Mars, is the largest volcano found in solar system. It is 370 miles (595 km) across and rises 15 miles (24 km). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest known butterfly is Queen Alexandra's Birdwing from New Guinea, which has a wingspan of approximately 11 inches (28 cm). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The smallest butterfly, the Dwarf Blue from Africa, has a wingspan of only one-half inch. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Jupiter, the fifth planet from the sun, is the largest planet in the solar system, twice as big as all the other planets combined. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest mountain in the Solar System is Olympus Mons on Mars. At 372 miles (600 km) across and a height of over 16 miles (26 km), it is nearly 3 times taller than Mt. Everest. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest canyon system in the Solar System is Valles Marineris on Mars. It is more than 3,000 miles (4,827 km) long, reaches 3 miles (5 km) in depth, 200 miles (322 km) in width, and would stretch from California to New York. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Boeing Commercial Airplane factory in Everett, Washington is the largest building in the world. The entire Disneyland amusement park, including its parking lots, could fit inside of it. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest painting on earth is a 116,000-square-foot (35,356 m) whale mural, 11 stories tall, and 1,028 feet (313 m) in circumference encircling the outside of the Long Beach Convention Center painted by Robert Wyland. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest turtle ever found weighed 2,016 pounds. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest insects that ever lived on the earth were giant dragonflies with wingspans of over 3 feet (1 m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest object that was ever found in the Los Angeles sewer system was a motorcycle. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest number of children born to one woman is recorded at 69. From 1725-1765, a Russian peasant woman gave birth to 16 sets of twins, 7 sets of triplets, and 4 sets of quadruplets. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The longest official city name in the world, made up of 164 letters, is "Krungthep Mahanakhon Amorn Rattanakosin Mahintara Yudthaya Mahadilok Pohp Noparat Rajathanee Bureerom Udomrajniwes Mahasatarn Amorn Pimarn Avaltarnsatit Sakatattiya Visanukram Prasit" a.k.a. Bangkok, Thailand. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The longest film ever released was "****" by Andy Warhol in 1967, which lasted 25 hours. After its utter failure, it was withdrawn and re-released in a 90-minute form as "The Loves of Ondine." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The song with the longest title is "I'm a Cranky Old Yank in a Clanky Old Tank on the Streets of Yokohama with my Honolulu Mama Doin' Those Beat-o, Beat-o Flat-On-My-Seat-o, Hirohito Blues" written by Hoagy Carmichael in 1943. </FONT></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> Top of Form 1</div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > "The Simpsons" is the longest running animated series on TV. </FONT></div> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FF0000" FACE="Arial" >»</FONT> The longest word in the English language is 1,913 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA. <FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" ><IMG SRC="04618180.gif" border=0 width="24" height="24" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></FONT>»»»»»»»»»»»</div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The longest banana split was 288,288 inches (732,251 cm) long. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > World's longest moustache is 133 1/2 inches (339 cm) grown by Kalyan Ramji Sain. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The world's longest game of Monopoly lasted more than 660 hours. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The longest animal ever recorded is the ribbon worm also known as Lineus longissimus. This creature measured at 180 feet (55 m) when it washed ashore in Scotland in the late 1800's. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > "ADCOMSUBORDCOMPHIBSPAC" is the longest acronym. It is a Navy term standing for "Administrative Command, Amphibious Forces, Pacific Fleet Subordinate Command." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > At -40 degrees Centigrade/Fahrenheit, a person loses about 14.4 calories per hour by breathing. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > One million Americans, about 3,000 each day, take up smoking each year. Most of them are children. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In 1933, Mickey Mouse, an animated cartoon character, received 800,000 fan letters. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There are only four words in the English language that end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > If you attempted to count all the stars in a galaxy at a rate of one every second it would take around 3,000 years to count them all. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Less than 3% of Nestle's sales are for chocolate. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There are 2 credit cards for every person in the United States. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average person will spend 2 weeks over their lifetime waiting for the traffic light to change. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > More than 2,500 left handed people are killed every year from using right handed products. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Feb 1865 and Feb 1999 are the only months in recorded history not to have a full moon. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The most common name in the world is Mohammed. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The only 2 days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Only 1 person in 2 billion will live to be 116 or older. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only 6 inches (15 cm) for each gallon of diesel that it burns. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > It is estimated that at any one time, 0.7% of the world's population are drunk. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The tip of a 1/3-inch long hour hand on a wristwatch travels at 0.00000275 miles per hour. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > One thing that humans do more than anything in their entire life is sleep. Most Americans sleep more than 6-8 hours a day, which is on average around 24 years of ones life! </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A man's beard contains between 7,000 and 15,000 hairs. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A hair is 70% easier to cut when soaked in warm water for 2 minutes. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Women's hair is about half the diameter of men's hair. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > It takes about a half a gallon of water to cook macaroni, and about a gallon to clean the pot. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > During an average lifetime, a man will spend 3,350 hours removing 8.4 meters of stubble. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > 4 million children die each year from inhaling smoke from indoor cooking fires that burn wood and dung. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Less than 1% of the 500 Chinese cities have clean air; respiratory disease is China's leading cause of death. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The number of cars on the planet is increasing 3 times faster than the population growth. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > It took 1,175 animators working in Disney studios in Burbank, California, Orlando, Florida, and Paris, France to complete the animated Tarzan. Because of the time differences, production was able to occur around the clock for more than three years. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > From 1840, every president elected in a year ending in the numeral "0" has been assassinated, died in office, or been severely wounded in an attempt on his life. Each event has taken place in an odd numbered year and each on an even numbered day. In each case, the number of terms the president was elected to has alternated between single and multiple (i.e. Harrison 1, Lincoln 2, Garfield 1, Mckinley 2, etc). Ronald Reagan was the first president who did not die because of this "curse." If this pattern continues, the person elected in 2000 will die in 2001 or 2003, or will be wounded in an assassination attempt. Let's hope that the "curse" was broken by Ronald Reagan's survival in 1981. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > About 17% of humans are left-handed. The same is true of chimpanzees and gorillas. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The entire length of all eyelashes shed by a human in their life is over 98 feet (30 m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > No president of the United States was an only child. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average woman consumes 6 pounds of lipstick in her lifetime. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In chess, there are 169,518,829,100,544,000,000,000,000,000 ways to play the first ten moves. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > It only takes 7 pounds of pressure to rip your ear off. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > $26 billion in ransom has been paid out in the U.S. in the past 20 years. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > You use more calories eating celery than there are in the celery itself. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > On average, there are 178 sesame seeds on each McDonalds BigMac bun. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There are 1 million ants for every person in the world. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Odds of being killed by a dog - 1 in 700,000. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Odds of dying while in the bath tub - 1 in 1 million. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Odds of being killed by space debris - 1 in 5 billion. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Odds of being killed by poisoning - 1 in 86,000. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Odds of being killed by freezing - 1 in 3 million. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Odds of being killed by lightening - 1 in 2 million. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Odds of being killed in a car crash - 1 in 5,000. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Odds of being killed in a tornado - 1 in 2 million. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Odds of being killed by falling out of bed - 1 in 2 million. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Odds of being killed in a plane crash -1 in 25 million. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > If you played all of the Beatles' singles and albums that came out between 1962 and 1970 back to back, it would only last for 10 hours and 33 minutes. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Termites eat through wood 2 times faster when listening to rock music. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Apollo 11 only had 20 seconds of fuel when it landed. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > 13 people are killed each year by vending machine's falling on them. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There is a 1/4 pound of salt in every gallon of seawater. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > About 1/3 of American adults are at least 20% above their recommended weight. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average talker sprays about 300 microscopic saliva droplets per minute, about 2.5 droplets per word. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average smell weighs 760 nanograms. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Earth experiences 50,000 earthquakes each year. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Skin temperature does not go much above 95 degrees even on the hottest days. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > 314 Americans had buttock lift surgery in 1994. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Annual growth of WWW traffic is 314,000%. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Experts at Intel say that microprocessor speed will double every 18 months for at least 10 years. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Earth's revolution time increases .0001 seconds annually. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Driving at 75 miles (121 km) per hour, it would take 258 days to drive around one of Saturn's rings. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Driving 55 miles (88 km) per hour instead of 65 miles (105 km) per hour increases your car mileage by about 15%. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Airbags explode at 200 miles (322 km) per hour. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > If we had the same mortality rate now as in 1900, more than half the people in the world today would not be alive. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > 1/3 of all cancers are sun related. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average person flexes the joints in their finger 24 million times during a lifetime. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > It would take 7 billion particles of fog to fill a teaspoon. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average iceberg weighs 20 million tons. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average human produces 25,000 quarts of spit in a lifetime, enough to fill two swimming pools. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Your brain weighs around 3 pounds. All but ten ounces is water. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A can of SPAM is opened every 4 seconds. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > If you gave each human on earth an equal portion of dry land, including the uninhabitable areas, everyone would get roughly 100 square feet (30.4 m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average person makes about 1,140 telephone calls each year. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In a century's time, Islam had converted 1/3 of the world. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In 75% of Americans households, women manage the money and pay the bills. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The world record for rocking non-stop in a rocking chair is 440 hours. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Only one person in 2 billion will live to be 166 or older. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The world record for rain boot tossing is 179.14 feet (54.60 m). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza everyday. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > More Monopoly money is printed in a year than real money throughout the world. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > 1/4 of the bones in your body is in your feet. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > You blink over 10,000,000 times a year. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There are 1,525,000,000 miles (2,453,725,000 km) of telephone wire strung across America. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Sneeze travels out of your mouth at over 100 miles (161 km) an hour. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The earth weighs around 6,588,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, tons. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average person laughs 15 times a day. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > It has been calculated that in the last 3,500 years, there have only been 230 years of peace throughout the civilized world. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average person spends about 2 years on the phone in a lifetime. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > When glass breaks, the cracks move at speeds up to 3,000 miles (4827 km) per hour. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first millennium, 1 - 1000 AD, consisted of 365,250 days. Our current millennium, 1001 - 2000 AD, will consist of 365,237 days. The third millennium, 2001 - 3000 AD, will consist of 365,242 days. The reason for the differences is the calendar system that was in use during the milleniums. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Papaphobia is the fear of Popes. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Multiply 37,037 by any single number (1-9), then multiply that number by 3. Every digit in the answer will be the same as that first single number </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Academy Award statue is named after a librarian's uncle. Margaret Herrick, librarian for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, made a remark that the statue looked like her Uncle Oscar, and the name stuck. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Stressed is Desserts spelled backwards. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > If you multiply 111,111,111 by 111,111,111, you get 12,345,678,987,654,321. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The term Cop comes from Constable on Patrol, which is a term used in England. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > "Zorro" means "fox" in Spanish. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Karoke means "empty orchestra" in Japanese. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off" in Chinese. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There are only four words in the English language that end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > "Floccinaucinihilipilification" which means "the act of estimating as worthless" is the longest non-medical word in the English language; it's 29 letters long. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Pogonophobia: The fear of beards. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > If you have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In Chinese, the words "crisis" and "opportunity" are the same. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > "Goodbye" came from "God bye" which came from "God be with you." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > "So long" came from the Arabic "salaam" and the Hebrew "shalom." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The word "nerd" was first coined by Dr. Seuss in "If I Ran the Zoo." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The word "racecar" and "kayak" are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The word "monosyllable" actually has five syllables in it. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > "Go." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There are no words in the English language that rhyme with silver, orange, or month. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The letter "I" is used exactly 109 times in Act IV of Shakespeare's "Macbeth." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There are only 12 letters in the Hawaiian alphabet. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > "Naked" means to be unprotected. "Nude" means unclothed. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In English, "four" is the only digit that has the same number of letters as its value. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > "Q" is the only letter in the alphabet that does not appear in the name of any of the United States. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The word "trivia" comes from the Latin "trivium" which is the place where three roads meet, a public square. People would gather and talk about all sorts of matters, most of which were trivial. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > "Typewriter" is the longest word that can be made using only the top row on the keyboard. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The word "checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "shah mat," which means, "the king is dead." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses every letter in the English language. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The most common name in the world is "Mohammed." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > California consumes more bottled water than any other product. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > California has issued 6 drivers licenses to people named "Jesus Christ." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The world's shortest river is the "D" river in Oregon. It's only 120 feet (37 m). It connects Devil's lake to the nearby Pacific Ocean. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Nevada is the driest state in the U.S.. Each year it averages 7.5 inches (19 cm) of rain. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In December 1997, the state of Nevada became the first state to pass legislation categorizing Y2K data disasters as "acts of God" protecting the state from lawsuits that may potentially be brought against it by residents in the year 2000. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In Utah, it is illegal to swear in front of a dead person. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Salt Lake City, Utah has a law against carrying an unwrapped ukulele on the street. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Arizona was the last of the 48 adjoining continental states to enter the Union. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > It is illegal to hunt camels in the state of Arizona. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The meteorite that hit/made The Barringer crater in Arizona weighed more than 50,000 tons. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The amount of concrete used in the building of the Hoover Dam is equal to that of paving a 4-foot (1.2 m) wide footpath around the equator. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Wyoming was the first state to give women the right to vote in 1869. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Denver, Colorado lays claim to the invention of the cheeseburger. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Denver, Colorado consumes less prune juice per capita than any other city in the United States. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first license plate on a car in the United States was issued in Denver, Colorado in 1908. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In Fruita, Colorado the town folk celebrate "Mike the Headless Chicken Day." Seems that a farmer named L.A. Olsen cut off Mike's head on September 10, 1945 in anticipation of a chicken dinner - and Mike lived for another 4 years without a head. Mike died from choking on a corn kernel. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The state of Maryland has no natural Lakes. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Illinois has the highest number of personalized license plates than any other state. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Austin, Texas has the highest percentage of college graduates, 31 percent. Newark, New Jersey has the lowest, 6 percent. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Residents of Houston, Texas lead the U.S. in eating out - approximately 4.6 times per week. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Laredo, Texas is the U.S.'s farthest inland port. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There is a town in Texas called "Ding Dong." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Rugby, North Dakota is the geographical center of North America. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Butte County, South Dakota is the geographical center of the U.S. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > "Home on the Range" is the state song for Kansas. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > It is illegal to get fish drunk in Oklahoma. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The world's largest McDonalds is located on I-44 at Vinita, Oklahoma. It goes from one side of the interstate to the other, passing over the interstate. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Louisiana's capital building is the tallest one of any U.S. state. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Louisiana is the only state not to have counties. They are called Parishes. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Mississippi is the poorest state. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Hawaii is the only coffee producing state. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > New Jersey has a spoon museum. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > One in seven workers in Boston, Massachusetts walks to work. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Boston University Bridge on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts, is one of the few places in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The "Dull Men's Hall of Fame" is located in Carroll, Wisconsin. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Gary, Indiana is the murder capital of the U.S. - probably the world. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Alabama was the first state to recognize Christmas as an official holiday. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest NFL stadium is the Pontiac Silverdome in Detroit, Michigan. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Michigan was the first state to have roadside picnic tables. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > No matter where you stand in Michigan, you are never more than 85 miles from a Great Lake. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Marshall almost became the state capital of Michigan but lost by one vote in 1848. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In 1997, Michigan became the 16th state to allow the blind to hunt. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The official beverage of Ohio is tomato juice. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > "Hang on Sloopy" is the official rock song of Ohio. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Georgia's state motto is "Wisdom, Justice and Moderation." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The U.S. city with the highest rate of lightning strikes per capita is Clearwater, Florida. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Florida was separated into two sections at one time, East Florida and West Florida. Pensacola was the capital of West Florida and St. Augustine was the capital of East Florida. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and James Monroe, all Virginians, were founding fathers of the United States and were among the first five U.S. Presidents. Virginia was also the birthplace of U.S. Presidents William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, Zachary Taylor, and Woodrow Wilson. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as needed because when it was built the state of Virginia still had segregation laws. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > It's illegal to spit on the sidewalk in Norfolk, Virginia. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There was a town in West Virginia called "6." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first streetlights in America were installed in Philadelphia around 1757. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In Frackville, Pennsylvania a woman filed for divorce because her husband insisted on "shooting tin cans off of her head with a slingshot." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > If you were to take a taxicab from New York City to Los Angeles, it would cost you $8,325. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > New York cities administrative code still requires that hitching posts be located in front of City Hall so that reporters can tie their horses. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The NY phone book had 22 Hitlers before WWII. The NY phone book had 0 Hitlers after WWII. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In New York State, it is illegal to but any alcohol on Sundays before noon. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Queen Anne had a transvestite cousin, Lord Cornbury, whom she assigned to be governor of New York and New Jersey. The colonists were not amused. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There were 240 pedestrian fatalities in New York City in 1994. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Columbia University is the second largest landowner in New York City, after the Catholic Church. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Citibank building in New York City had a structural flaw and had the potential to fall down. When the flaw was caught in 1978, a year after completion, it was found that there was a 50% chance of collapse during winds over 78 miles (126 km) per hour, typical in a hurricane. At the same time there was a hurricane heading straight for NYC. The building owner secretly had the flaw corrected in the middle of the night. There were rumors about the "glowing Citibank building" because the welding could be seen across the skyline. It was estimated that 156 blocks would have been demolished due to the domino effect the building would start had it fallen over. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest stained-glass window in the world is at Kennedy International Airport in New York City. It can be seen on the American Airlines terminal building and measures 300 feet (91 m) long by 23 feet (7 m) high. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > On the 25th anniversary of the New York City marathon, the world's longest urinal, 290 feet, (88 m) was installed at the beginning of the race. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Customers who bought the first Kodak cameras had to mail them back to Rochester, New York for reloading. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > All the dirt from the foundation to build the World Trade Center in New York City was dumped into the Hudson River to form the community now known as Battery City Park. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > On a clear day, you can see five states from the top of the Empire State Building - New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Massachusetts and Pennsylvania. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Montpelier, Vermont is the only state capital without a McDonalds. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Maine is the only state that has borders with only one other state. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Rhode Island is the smallest state with the longest name. The official name, used on all state documents, is Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Canada is an Indian word meaning "village of huts." When the first explorers of Canada asked the Indians what the land was called, the Indians thought they were being asked the name of their village, which was "Kanata." The name stuck. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The first McDonald's restaurant in Canada was in Richmond, British Columbia. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In 1984, a Canadian farmer began renting advertising space on his cows. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There are more donut shops in Canada per capita than any other country. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > 0.3% of all road accidents in Canada involve a Moose. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In the great fire of London in 1666 half of London was burnt down but only 6 people were injured. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In Quebec, there is an old law that states margarine must be a different color than butter. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The largest taxi fleet in the world is found in Mexico City. The city boasts a fleet of over 60,000 taxis. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > More than 90% of the Nicaraguan people are Roman Catholic. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Cuba is the only island in the Caribbean to have a railroad. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Jamaica has the most churches per square mile than any other country in the world. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Jamaica was the first country from the English speaking Caribbean to qualify for the Football World Cup. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Bolivia has two capitals. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The angel falls in Venezuela are nearly 20 times taller than Niagara Falls. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Canada is the only country not to win a gold medal in the summer Olympic games while hosting the event. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Amazon is the world's largest river, 3,890 miles (6,259 km) long. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The town of Calma, Chile in the Atacama Desert has never had rain. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A single sausage measuring 5,917 feet (1,804 m) in length was cooked in Barcelona, Spain on September 22, 1986. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There is a church in Spain that allows worshippers to make donations via a credit card terminal. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The people of France eat more cheese than any other country in the world. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There's a place called "Y" in France. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > King Louis XIX ruled France for 15 minutes. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The most common name in Italy is Mario Rossi. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Eiffel tower in France varies in height depending on the temperature, Sometimes by as much as six inches. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Greece's national anthem has 158 verses. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In ancient Greece "idiot" meant a private citizen or layman. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Bulgarians are known to be the biggest yogurt eaters in the world. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Czechs are the biggest consumers of beer per male in the world. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A Czech man, Jan Honza Zampa, holds the record for drinking one liter of beer in 4.11 seconds. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > A national campaign against swearing has started in Holland. Railway stations have started to display signs that say, "Missed your train? Cursing doesn't help!" </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Netherlands is the only country with a national dog. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > When we think of Big Ben in London, we think of the clock. Actually, it's the bell. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > King George I of England could not speak English; he was born and raised in Germany. He let his ministers run the country to get around this problem. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Automated Teller Machine (ATM) was introduced in England in 1965. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Buckingham Palace has 602 rooms. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In ancient Scotland, every leap year maidens were allowed to ask a man to be her husband, refusal cost him a pound. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Icelandic phone books sometimes contain people's occupations as well as their name. This is because so many people have the same name. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Icelanders consume more Coca-Cola per Capita than any other nation. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Until 1997, there were more pigs than people in Denmark. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Sweden has the lowest birth rate (1 in 100). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice; it is rebuilt every year. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Sweden has the least number of murders annually. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Until 1965, driving in Sweden was done on the left-hand side of the road. The conversion was done on a weekday at 5:00 p.m. This was supposed to prevent people from waking up in the morning and forgetting which side of the road to drive on. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Donald Duck Comics were once banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Lithuania has the highest suicide rate in the world. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The country code for Russia is "007". </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > To buy a McDonald's extra value meal in Russia it would cost the average Russian worker 1 months pay. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Russians generally answer the phone by saying, "I'm listening". </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The U.S. bought Alaska for 2 cents an acre from Russia. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > 1 in 5 of the world's doctors are Russian. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Antarctica is the only continent that does not have land areas below sea level. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The people of Israel consume more turkeys per capita than any other country. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The daily commuter trains arriving and departing from Bombay, India are designed to carry 1,700 passengers but are regularly packed with over 7,000 passengers. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Nepal is the only country that has a non-rectangular flag. It is also asymmetrical. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The official name for the city of Bangkok, Thailand is "Krung thep mahanakhon bovorn ratanakosin mahintharayutthaya mahadilok pop noparatratchathani burirom udomratchanivetma hasathan amornpiman avatarnsa thit sakkathattiyavisnukarmprasit" or just "Krung thep" for short meaning "City of Angels." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > 1,800 cigarettes are smoked per person each year in China. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Respiratory Disease is China's leading cause of death. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There are more than 40,000 characters in the Chinese script. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > More people speak English in China than the United States. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There is a tea in China called "white tea" it is simply boiled water. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Chinese built a battery that lasted 400 years. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Chinese Lettered Goldfish has Chinese characters on it; it has been achieved though many years of cross breeding. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The toothbrush was invented in China in 1498. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Mongolia is the largest landlocked country. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Vatican City is the smallest country in the world, with a population of 1000 and a size 108.7 acres. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > In Japan, watermelons are squared. It's easier to stack them that way. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > 98% of Japanese are cremated. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Out of the 23,000 Japanese soldiers that died on the Guadal-canal, only 10% died from bullets. The majority died from fever, malaria, and hunger. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The number "four" is considered unlucky in Japan because it is pronounced the same as "death". </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The average Japanese household watches more than 10 hours of television a day. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > There's a place in Japan called "O." </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Philippines has about 7,100 islands, of which only about 460 are more than 1 square mile (2.6 sq km) in area. Eleven islands have an area of more than 1,000 square miles (2590 sq km) each and contain the bulk of the population. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Yo-yos were used as weapons by warriors in the Philippines in the 16th century. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Australian soldiers used the song "We're Off to See the Wizard" as a marching song in WWII. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Australia is the only country to have monotremes. A monotreme is a mammal that lays eggs but suckles its young on milk once they have hatched (e.g. the platypus). </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Australian $5 to $100 notes are made of plastic. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Nullarbor Plain of Australia covers 100,000 square miles (160,900 km) without a tree. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The Salvation Army in Australia made the worlds first full length feature movie in 1900. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Tasmania, Australia has the cleanest air in the inhabited world. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The longest place name still in use, which is 85 letters long, is "Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipuka- kapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu" which is a name of a hill in New Zealand. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > According to the U.S. Naval Observatory, the first populated land where the sun will rise in the new millennium, and at the beginning of any other year, is at Kahuitara Point (44° 16' S 176° 9' W) on Pitt Island in the Chatham Islands, a dependency of New Zealand. </FONT></div> <div> »<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Greenland is the largest island in the world. </FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Lists Of Stuff</U></B></div> <div> 10. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!" </div> <div> 9. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed. </div> <div> 8. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard. </div> <div> 7. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke. </div> <div> 6. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts. </div> <div> 5. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them. </div> <div> 4. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leak proof". </div> <div> 3. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish. </div> <div> 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. </div> <div> 1. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man." </div> <div> 10. Murdered woman just happened to be same woman O.J. beat up. </div> <div> 9. Made unlucky choice of gloves and shoes for photo session. </div> <div> 8. Picked the wrong night to wear someone else's socks. </div> <div> 7. Made unfortunate choice producing "O.J. Tells" video deciding between Beta and VHS. </div> <div> 6. Forgot to take the stand during criminal trial. </div> <div> 5. Should have asked about those annoying red spots when Bronco was purchased. </div> <div> 4. Exactly wrong time for arthritis to flare up, blowing lie detector test. </div> <div> 3. The one night O.J. desperately needed an alibi, decided to sleep alone. </div> <div> 2. Still can't figure out how he got lost on freeway trying to surrender to police. </div> <div> 1. Had to pick the night of the murders to start bleeding uncontrollably. </div> <div> 10. A job applicant challenged the interviewer to arm wrestle. </div> <div> 9. Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time. </div> <div> 8. Candidate brought large dog to interview. </div> <div> 7. Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up. </div> <div> 6. Balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a hair piece. </div> <div> 5. Applicant said if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm. </div> <div> 4. Candidate dozed off during interview. </div> <div> 3. Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions. </div> <div> 2. Candidate explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer. </div> <div> 1. Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico. </div> <div> 10. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking. </div> <div> 9. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic. </div> <div> 8. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions. </div> <div> 7. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun. </div> <div> 6. Point at the screen. Chant in a made-up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again. </div> <div> 5. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them. </div> <div> 4. Sneak up behind some engrossed in their work screaming, "DISK FIGHT!!!" and bop them on the head with a disk. </div> <div> 3. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly. </div> <div> 2. Get a pair of 3-d glasses. Wobble around while walking and keep yelling, "Whoa, that looked so real!" </div> <div> 1. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. </div> <div> SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear.</div> <div> FAULT: Glass empty.</div> <div> ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.</div> <div> SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of your shirt is wet.</div> <div> FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.</div> <div> ACTION: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.</div> <div> SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.</div> <div> FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.</div> <div> ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling.</div> <div> SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.</div> <div> FAULT: Improper bladder control.</div> <div> ACTION: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation.</div> <div> SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.</div> <div> FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.</div> <div> ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.</div> <div> SYMPTOM: Floor swaying.</div> <div> FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress.</div> <div> ACTION: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.</div> <div> SYMPTOM: Floor moving.</div> <div> FAULT: You are being carried out.</div> <div> ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.</div> <div> SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strip across it.</div> <div> FAULT: You have fallen over backward.</div> <div> ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; lash self to bar.</div> <div> SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts.</div> <div> FAULT: You have fallen forward.</div> <div> ACTION: See above.</div> <div> SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.</div> <div> FAULT: The Bar is closing.</div> <div> ACTION: Panic.</div> <div> 10. Strike one! </div> <div> England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag. </div> <div> 9. "Hello? Guns for hire?" </div> <div> Arizona: A company called "Guns for Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year- old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail. </div> <div> 8. Say cheese! </div> <div> A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.) </div> <div> 7. Drop everything and run! </div> <div> Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper. </div> <div> 6. Just forget it </div> <div> Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it. </div> <div> 5. Ouch </div> <div> A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help . . . </div> <div> 4. Let's do a little math </div> <div> A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. </div> <div> 3. I know I forgot something </div> <div> Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter. </div> <div> 2. You mean me? </div> <div> A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. </div> <div> 1. The Hefty-bag </div> <div> A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask. </div> <div> 10. "Once a week, I usually feel hot all over." </div> <div> 9. "People are always watching me." </div> <div> 8. "My legs are really hairy." </div> <div> 7. "I think I'm going to throw up." </div> <div> 6. "I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement." </div> <div> 5. "I feel uneasy indoors." </div> <div> 4. "Sometimes I feel like smashing things." </div> <div> 3. "I get excited very easily." </div> <div> 2. "At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking." </div> <div> 1. "I am fascinated by fire." </div> <div> 1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for Bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. </div> <div> 2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get back to the sell, just continue your problems. </div> <div> 3. If they say they're Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, Ask them to spell their name, then ask them to spell the company name, then ask them where it located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. </div> <div> 4. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter and Siegel services.... You: "Hang on a second." (Few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?" </div> <div> 5. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!! Is this really you? Oh, my God! Judy, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where on earth she could know you from. </div> <div> 6. Say, "No", repeatedly. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up. </div> <div> 7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?" </div> <div> 8. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood. </div> <div> 9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. </div> <div> 10. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Mantermills." You: "Mantermills!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas, Texas." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see ya." </div> <div> 11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh, my God!!!" and then hang up. </div> <div> 12. Say to the Telemarketer, "Sorry, I can't talk right now but if you'd just give me your home phone number I'll call you when I'm not as busy. When they say in a flustered way that they can't give out their home number say, "Oh, I see...you don't want strangers calling you at your home! Now you know how I feel." </div> <div> 10. Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present. </div> <div> 9. Schedule meetings for 4:14 PM. </div> <div> 8. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers or tape dispensers. </div> <div> 7. "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this. </div> <div> 6. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive". </div> <div> 5. When co-worker walks by motion him over, lean forward as if you are about to say something then go back to work. </div> <div> 4. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) </div> <div> 3. Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathroom." </div> <div> 2. Include a personal note on every email that you send. "On a personal note, I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night." </div> <div> 1. Every time you enter the room, sit in a chair, lean back too far, and fall over backwards. Laugh hysterically for about ten minutes. Then, one day, repeat the falling-over exercise, but instead of laughing, get up, look at the chair sternly, and say, "It's not funny anymore." </div> <div> 10. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." </div> <div> 9. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig." </div> <div> 8. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there." </div> <div> 7. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle." </div> <div> 6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." </div> <div> 5. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." </div> <div> 4. "This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better." </div> <div> 3. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." </div> <div> 2. "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." </div> <div> 1. "I would not allow this employee to breed." </div> <div> 10. "The skin was moist and dry." </div> <div> 9. "The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week." </div> <div> 8. "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed." </div> <div> 7. "The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead." </div> <div> 6. "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy." </div> <div> 5. "While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home." </div> <div> 4. "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce." </div> <div> 3. "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room." </div> <div> 2. "She is numb from her toes down." </div> <div> 1. "The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately." </div> <div> 14. Using a small squeeze tube spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?" </div> <div> 13. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettuccine alfredo you had for breakfast. </div> <div> 12. Take in a wineskin filled w/ water. Stand and slowing squeeze it out into the toilet, every 15-20 seconds moan or sigh. </div> <div> 11. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot." </div> <div> 10. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall. </div> <div> 9. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!" </div> <div> 8. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?" </div> <div> 7. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. </div> <div> 6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before." </div> <div> 5. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly. </div> <div> 4. Say, "Now how did that get there?" </div> <div> 3. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers." </div> <div> 2. After flushing Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?" </div> <div> 1. Fill a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!" </div> <div> 14. "Schindler's Twist" </div> <div> 13. "Four Weddings & A Funnel" </div> <div> 12. "A Funnel Thing Happened on the Way to The Farm" </div> <div> 11. "Roofless in Seattle" </div> <div> 10. "Field of Debris" </div> <div> 9. "One House Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" </div> <div> 8. "The Splintered Bridges of Madison County" </div> <div> 7. "Lift and Separate" </div> <div> 6. "Boys on the Side -- Of My Barn" </div> <div> 5. "Dead Man Flying" </div> <div> 4. "Indiana Jones and the Trailer Park of Doom" </div> <div> 3. "Wizard of Oz II: The Search for Toto" </div> <div> 2. "Totally Gone With the Wind" </div> <div> 1. "The Weather Channel: The Movie" </div> <div> 17. Smoke ballpoint pens. </div> <div> 16. Smile -- All the time. </div> <div> 15. Always flush the toilet three times. </div> <div> 14. Listen to radio static. </div> <div> 13. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up. </div> <div> 12. Whenever your roommate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself. </div> <div> 11. Whenever you go to sleep, starts jumping on your bed . . . do so for a while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling. Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out . . . use this method to fall asleep...every night for a month. </div> <div> 10. Ask your roommate if he/she has ever looked into the eye's of his/her victim. </div> <div> 9. Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe into the phone for 5 seconds then hang up. </div> <div> 8. Gather up a garbage bag full of leaves and throw them in a pile in his/her room. Jump in them. Comment about the beautiful foliage. </div> <div> 7. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are. </div> <div> 6. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened. </div> <div> 5. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door </div> <div> 4. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone. </div> <div> 3. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. With an air of disdain, announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks. </div> <div> 2. Buy Sea Monkeys and grow them. Name one after your roommate. Announce the next day that that one died. Name another one after your roommate. The next day say that it died. Keep this up until they all die. </div> <div> 1. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye." </div> <div> 20. Non stick Cellotape </div> <div> 19. Solar Powered Flash Light (torch) </div> <div> 18. A black highlighter pen </div> <div> 17. Glow in the dark sunglasses </div> <div> 16. Inflatable Anchor </div> <div> 15. Smooth Sandpaper </div> <div> 14. Waterproof sponge </div> <div> 13. Waterproof Teabags </div> <div> 12. AC adapter for Solar powered calculators </div> <div> 11. Fireproof Matches </div> <div> 10. Fireproof Cigarettes </div> <div> 9. Battery powered Battery Charger </div> <div> 8. Seatbelts for Motorbikes </div> <div> 7. Hand powered Chainsaw </div> <div> 6. Inflatable Dartboard </div> <div> 5. Silent Alarm Clock </div> <div> 4. A Pedal powered wheelchair </div> <div> 3. Braille Drivers Manual </div> <div> 2. Double sided playing cards </div> <div> 1. Ejector seats for Helicopters </div> <div> 20. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in </div> <div> 19. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. </div> <div> 18. The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. </div> <div> 17. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. </div> <div> 16. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. </div> <div> 15. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. </div> <div> 14. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so. </div> <div> 13. bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. </div> <div> 12. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. </div> <div> 11. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. </div> <div> 10. The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy." </div> <div> 9. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit. </div> <div> 8. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. </div> <div> 7. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service, we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens. </div> <div> 6. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his private study. </div> <div> 5. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. </div> <div> 4. The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience. </div> <div> 3. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help. </div> <div> 2. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor. </div> <div> 1. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday. </div> <div> 20. Stock up and save. Limit: one. </div> <div> 19. Illiterate? Write today for free help. </div> <div> 18. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. </div> <div> 17. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. </div> <div> 16. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. </div> <div> 15. Great Dames for sale. </div> <div> 14. Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. </div> <div> 13. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. </div> <div> 12. Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. </div> <div> 11. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. </div> <div> 10. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours. </div> <div> 9. Man, honest. Will take anything. </div> <div> 8. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. </div> <div> 7. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. </div> <div> 6. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating </div> <div> 5. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. </div> <div> 4. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it. </div> <div> 3. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. </div> <div> 2. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. </div> <div> 1. Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops! </div> <div> 20. Slow speed Bronco chase actually a distraught O.J. headed for nearest golf course in search of real killers. </div> <div> 19. Everyone just wanted to get O.J. in trouble. </div> <div> 18. After Nicole's funeral, made loving gesture at gravesite by throwing in first truckload of dirt. </div> <div> 17. Before making incriminating statement to police, was unfairly read Miranda rights. </div> <div> 16. Was first to show up at Nicole's funeral. </div> <div> 15. When O.J. fled the scene of Nicole's 1989 beating, was actually chasing "real" wife-beaters. </div> <div> 14. Ninja-waiter Ron Goldman could have easily overpowered O.J. </div> <div> 13. Using twin knives, Ron and Nicole were proclaiming themselves blood brother-sister when something went terribly wrong. </div> <div> 12. Hey, can you remember every little thing YOU did on the night of June 12, 1994? </div> <div> 11. Ron and Nicole could have planned this whole thing just to make O.J. look bad. </div> <div> 10. Has rare condition causing him to bleed whenever ex-wives under attack. </div> <div> 9. Blood in Bronco could have come from extra-rare McDonald's hamburger. </div> <div> 8. When he's on TV, he looks you straight in the eye. </div> <div> 7. When upset, O.J. has been known to cough up other people's DNA. </div> <div> 6. O.J.'s blood in Bronco could have come from self-mutilation upon learning Nicole was running with the wrong crowd. </div> <div> 5. O.J.'s bleeding on murder night could have been psychic distress signal from Nicole. </div> <div> 4. LAPD "rush to judgment" in not first considering the murder scene a practical joke. </div> <div> 3. Ron and Nicole were standing too close as O.J. made frenzied suicide attempt. </div> <div> 2. No one remembers O.J. announcing he was going to commit murder. </div> <div> 1. Close friends say O.J. reacts to bad news by breaking glass, bleeding, disguising himself, and putting a gun to his head "all the time". </div> <div> 20. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out. </div> <div> 19. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread." </div> <div> 18. Put them on hold. </div> <div> 17. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented... </div> <div> 16. Report a petty theft to the order taker. </div> <div> 15. Ask for the guy who took your order last time. </div> <div> 14. Be vague in your order. When they ask what you'd like on your pizza say, "Oh, a little of this, a little of that..." </div> <div> 13. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you. </div> <div> 12. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window." </div> <div> 11. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief. </div> <div> 10. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound. </div> <div> 9. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead. </div> <div> 8. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her. </div> <div> 7. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation." </div> <div> 6. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the jazz about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful. </div> <div> 5. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?" </div> <div> 4. When they say, "Will that be all?" snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?" </div> <div> 3. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get. </div> <div> 2. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you. </div> <div> 1. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words." </div> <div> 36. Two convicts evade noose, jury hung </div> <div> 35. Queen Mary having bottom scraped </div> <div> 34. NJ judge to rule on nude beach </div> <div> 33. Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency </div> <div> 32. Two Soviet ships collide - one dies </div> <div> 31. Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter </div> <div> 30. Dealers will hear car talk at noon </div> <div> 29. Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy </div> <div> 28. Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984 </div> <div> 27. Cold wave linked to temperatures </div> <div> 26. Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation </div> <div> 25. Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing </div> <div> 24. Grandmother of eight makes hole in one </div> <div> 23. Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers </div> <div> 22. William Kelly was fed secretary </div> <div> 21. Milk drinkers are turning to powder </div> <div> 20. Farmer bill dies in house </div> <div> 19. Iraqi head seeks arms </div> <div> 18. Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests </div> <div> 17. Miners refuse to work after death </div> <div> 16. If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while </div> <div> 15. War dims hope for peace </div> <div> 14. Child's death ruins couple's holiday </div> <div> 13. Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years </div> <div> 12. Man is fatally slain </div> <div> 11. Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say </div> <div> 10. Eye drops off shelf </div> <div> 9. Squad helps dog bite victim </div> <div> 8. Enraged cow injures farmer with ax </div> <div> 7. Never withhold herpes from loved one </div> <div> 6. Child's stool great for use in garden </div> <div> 5. Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors </div> <div> 4. Soviet virgin lands short of goal again </div> <div> 3. Prostitutes appeal to Pope </div> <div> 2. Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over </div> <div> 1. Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better </div> <div> 24. "Sgetting (cruise missiles) more accurate so that we can have precise precision." </div> <div> 23. About Salvadoran officials: "We expect them to work toward the elimination of human rights." </div> <div> 22. "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a Mother and child." </div> <div> 21. "I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman." </div> <div> 20. To American Samoans: "You all look like happy campers to me. Happy campers you are, happy campers you have been, and as far as I'm concerned, happy campers you will always be." </div> <div> 19. "El Salvador is a democracy so it's not surprising that there are so many voices to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans, I have heard a single voice." </div> <div> 18. "I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy but that could change." </div> <div> 17. To United Negro College Fund: "What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind. Or not to have a mind at all. How true that is." </div> <div> 16. Phoenix Republican Forum: "If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure." </div> <div> 15. LA Times 5/21/89: "The other day (the President) said, I know you've had some rough times, and I want to do something that will show the nation what faith that I have in you, in your maturity and sense of responsibility. (He paused then said), Would you like a puppy?" </div> <div> 14. "We're going to have the best educated American people in the world." </div> <div> 13. To Christian Coalition: "My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right." </div> <div> 12. "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future." </div> <div> 11. "I was known as the chief grave robber in my state." </div> <div> 10. "I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." </div> <div> 9. "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." </div> <div> 8. "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." </div> <div> 7. "Bank failures are caused by depositors who don't deposit enough money to cover losses due to mismanagement." </div> <div> 6. "For NASA, space is still a high priority." </div> <div> 5. "We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." </div> <div> 4. About breast cancer: "Speaking as a man, it's not a woman's issue. Us men are tired of losing our women." </div> <div> 3. "I deserve respect for the things I did not do." </div> <div> 2. At Fresno State: "This President is going to lead us out of this recovery." </div> <div> 1. "Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases revenue enhancement. Not so. No one was fooled." </div> <div> 24. In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday." </div> <div> 23. In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed." </div> <div> 22. In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center" </div> <div> 21. On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church." </div> <div> 20. On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship." </div> <div> 19. At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel." </div> <div> 18. On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced" </div> <div> 17. Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques." </div> <div> 16. In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?" </div> <div> 15. In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends." </div> <div> 14. In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves." </div> <div> 13. On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable." </div> <div> 12. In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy." </div> <div> 11. In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home." </div> <div> 10. On a radiator repair garage: "Best place to take a leak." </div> <div> 9. At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container." </div> <div> 8. In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager." </div> <div> 7. On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. -- Sisters of Mercy" </div> <div> 6. In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks." </div> <div> 5. A parking sign in front of a Boston meditation center: "Visualize Being Towed." </div> <div> 4. On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs." </div> <div> 3. In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work." </div> <div> 2. In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!" </div> <div> 1. On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot." </div> <div> 24. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. </div> <div> 23. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. </div> <div> 22. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. </div> <div> 21. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her. </div> <div> 20. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. </div> <div> 19. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition. </div> <div> 18. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. </div> <div> 17. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead. </div> <div> 16. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment. </div> <div> 15. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium. </div> <div> 14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. </div> <div> 13. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting. </div> <div> 12. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. </div> <div> 11. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. </div> <div> 10. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. </div> <div> 9. An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child. </div> <div> 8. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. </div> <div> 7. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. </div> <div> 6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do. </div> <div> 5. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. </div> <div> 4. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. </div> <div> 3. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war - unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. </div> <div> 2. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. </div> <div> 1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade -- at any time of the year. </div> <div> 40. Make racecar noises when anyone gets on or off. </div> <div> 39. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers. </div> <div> 38. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. </div> <div> 37. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. </div> <div> 36. Bring a chair along. </div> <div> 35. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?" </div> <div> 34. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. </div> <div> 33. Do Tai Chi exercises. </div> <div> 32. Give religious tracts to each passenger. </div> <div> 31. Meow occasionally. </div> <div> 30. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons. </div> <div> 29. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. </div> <div> 28. Play the harmonica. </div> <div> 27. Say "Ding!" at each floor. </div> <div> 26. Lean against the button panel. </div> <div> 25. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. </div> <div> 24. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. </div> <div> 23. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other people "through" it. </div> <div> 22. Start a sing-along. </div> <div> 21. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" </div> <div> 20. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. </div> <div> 19. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. </div> <div> 18. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. </div> <div> 17. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!" </div> <div> 16. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. </div> <div> 15. One word: Flatulence! </div> <div> 14. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, darn motion sickness!" </div> <div> 13. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. </div> <div> 12. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. </div> <div> 11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?" </div> <div> 10. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. </div> <div> 9. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, blasted, all of you just shut UP!"" </div> <div> 8. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. </div> <div> 7. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. </div> <div> 6. Wear "x-ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers. </div> <div> 5. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger." </div> <div> 4. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." </div> <div> 3. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" </div> <div> 2. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!" </div> <div> 1. Draw a little square on the floor and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space." </div> <div> 40. On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion. </div> <div> 39. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. </div> <div> 38. In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. </div> <div> 37. A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played. </div> <div> 36. On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it. </div> <div> 35. In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service. </div> <div> 34. Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking. </div> <div> 33. On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life. </div> <div> 32. In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin. </div> <div> 31. In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here. </div> <div> 30. In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run. </div> <div> 29. From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself. </div> <div> 28. A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose. </div> <div> 27. In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers. </div> <div> 26. In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter. </div> <div> 25. In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists. </div> <div> 24. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. </div> <div> 23. In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose. </div> <div> 22. From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor. </div> <div> 21. Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs. </div> <div> 20. In a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results. </div> <div> 19. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream. </div> <div> 18. In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such things, please do not read notis. </div> <div> 17. In a Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. </div> <div> 16. In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. </div> <div> 15. In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages. </div> <div> 14. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? </div> <div> 13. Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways. </div> <div> 12. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man. </div> <div> 11. In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. </div> <div> 10. At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty. </div> <div> 9. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. </div> <div> 8. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. </div> <div> 7. In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. </div> <div> 6. From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years. </div> <div> 5. In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. </div> <div> 4. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. </div> <div> 3. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time, we regret that you will be unbearable. </div> <div> 2. In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases. </div> <div> 1. In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions. </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>